Parenting Styles

The child’s first interaction is with the parents, the way we interact will have a significant effect on the child. Parenting styles vary from culture to culture, country to country, it changes with state to state in India as we are a rich mix of various cultures & traditions. Although culture is the most important factor, the economic situation and standard of living also have an impact on parenting and the child. Almost all cultures give importance to honesty/integrity, the value system stands divided on some of the major facets of parenting. I have grown up in India hence would like to share my experiences of raising the Kid in India.

Every Child is unique & all parents have their own style of parenting - their way of raising children. “A good way of parenting is one where parents understand the feelings of their child and act accordingly”. It’s important for parents to groom the development of the child’s self-esteem. All the silly or insignificant concerns of the child have to be addressed, even if it’s just the fear of entering the bathroom alone,”

Respect: The Indian parenting style builds the respect for other people, their values

and customs. Family plays a significant part in the upbringing of Indian children. Indian families follow the tradition of celebrating every important occasion such as birthdays, festivals, and other events together, as grandly as possible. Indian kids are taught the importance of family reliance and respect for elders from a very early age. We strongly believe that our child is part of a family and a community the child realizes that every decision he/she makes and every action he/she takes has consequences for the entire family and community. This makes him/her responsible towards the family and most importantly, the community.

Academics: The Indian parenting style gives more importance to the scores & performance of the kid in the Pre/School, they are always updated about the child’s academics as well as the social activities. Indian parents believe that if the academics are good the child has a better future, physical activities are not given so much importance though not restricted. Sometimes it’s very difficult for the parents to accept the fact about the child’s need to play & interact with other kids to have a sense of social behaviour. This has a lot to do with the fact that India is a developing country with a huge population problem. There is a lot of competition, and the jobs aren’t as many to support the number of students who pass out of colleges. This is also why a lot of Indian parents encourage their children to study/work abroad if their finances allow them to. It’s better to give kids the best of both worlds to ensure their all-round development.

Dependency: The Indian parenting style is over protective towards the upbringing of the child hence making them completely dependent. Over the long run the kids are not in a position to take decisions on their own & keep coming back to the parents for small things. Parents choose the clothes, the play area, whom to talk and many more

things, which are not allowing the kid to take his/her own decisions. The kids develop lack of confidence & which is a big blow to their growth and development. Indian children grow up to become extremely dependent on their families for their life decisions like higher studies, job choices, marriage, and even staying apart from the family.

Technology/Innovation: It’s still  a big issue for almost all the parents in India to see their child spending lot of time over the internet with virtual friends on many social networking sites, they feel it will make them introvert and will never be able to concentrate on academics.

Interference: Parental interference is not limited to deciding what the child will study/become in the future, Friends, Coaching, College & even life partner which sometimes is very difficult for the children’s of today’s generation. The children start feeling the pressure mounted on them by parents/relatives from a very early age & start behaving in a certain way to stay away from this people. They slowly start to be in their own world & never join the family activity as they will be questioned by all about the studies, and many more things. All parents are very protective towards their kid, but being over protective makes the child low in self confidence. Today’s generation needs to be very active & fast they need to take quick decisions its possible only if the parents give them free hand in the early stages of their growth/development.

Commonly seen parenting styles and what could be the outcome:

Over-protective parents:
If a child grows under over protective parents they will end up being in their cocoon all the time, at times they feel scared to come out of that environment due to fear. They will be detached from the challenges and grow up completely dependent and seek help in all matters. Some children grown up without any will, desire, aspiration and  Such children also develop depression and low self esteem, which further hampers their growth and development. These kids will need constant guidance & support as they will lack confidence to take any decision.
Suggestion: Give them an opportunity to explore the world without constant interference, you will see the difference in their behaviour, relationship, friends & studies.  

Hovering parents:
You can keep yourself updated about your child but following/checking them in everything will affect their trust, they will start to be away from you. This can even lead to lying in many occasions. This type of parenting puts a lot of fear in the child and low confidence levels.
Suggestion: you need to mutually understand each other & give them space for all the activity with a agreement to keep you updated all the time, this will help the child to keep you informed without any fear.

Abusive parents:
Humans has the tradition of learning from the mistakes, but the whole idea changes when your child commits a mistake. All hell breaks loose and you lose your temper on them. Making your child understand the mistake is good way to teach them but raising hand or scolding/abusing them will not make them learn from the mistake but will make them stubborn.
It’s very normal for the parents to feel frustrated/angry but there is a thin line between discipline & anger, if you want to punish your child because you are very angry and have no intent that the child learns from the mistake you are abusing the child and this will leave a very bad memory in the child’s growth path. Instead of losing the temper it’s better to take a break from the incident & focus on something else to reduce the anger, Find way to helps the child understand that there is good reason for the anger and builds respect for the parent’s judgment.

Discipline Freaks:  It is a parent's job to teach their children about expectations, rules, morals and values. Children need to be given consistent discipline to be taught right from wrong, to be kept safe and to learn what they can and cannot do. "The goal of discipline is to create an orderly, predictable, stable, and fun world to enjoy and grow healthy," Positive discipline helps children to learn and change their behaviour. There are many ways in which you can avoid physical abuse, some examples take time-outs, break, deep breath to reduce the stress, laugh out loudly. It’s very important for you to remember that you are much bigger/stronger than your kids even a spanking on the bottom with force can hurt the child, twisting the arm can lead to fracture of the bone. Take time out before taking any action on the act of your child, make them understand the consequences, what’s right & wrong

Ambitious/Pushy parents:

There is a thin line between ambitious & pushy parents, a parent who wants their child to take up a sport which needs training from a very small age what type of a parenting will it be considered? It’s very simple to analyse the difference
ambitious/Pushy parents some examples 1) if the parents want a certain sport just because it’s the best thing happening around- they are inching towards pushy parenting, on the other side if the parents are trying to evaluate if the child can adapt the sport and then take a decision is ambitious parenting. All want their children’s to be winners and add pressure which is very disturbing to the child. Many parents are obsessed with winning they make the child feel if you don’t win you are a no body and we don’t want a loser, this is a way of emotional stress to the child and not needed at all.

Suggestion: Have a positive approach with your children, encourage kids to participate rather than winning. Make them play team games it gives a sense of team work and also increases the strength to improve their skills to be in the team.

Manipulative Parenting:

This is a very typical Indian style of parenting. Indians prefer to stay in Joint families and used to social gatherings (birthdays, marriages, thread ceremony and many more) it’s the breeding ground of all types of questions for the kids in the family. As India has the largest young population in the world the competition has increased many folds thus adding more pressure on the kids to be winners. In this style of parenting the child is always lured to achieve a certain objective for rewards & recognition example parent to 10^th grade student if you get above 90% marks in your main exam we will buy a brand new cycle. Parent to a 3^rd grade child if you recite this poetry well in the assembly i will gift you a new Barbie doll/dress.  As a result the kids are either lured for a reward or fear of punishment which creates confusion in the minds of the growing child. Mothers have different aspirations compared to fathers & the child is stuck in between them (reward or punishment)  I am sure many will agree with me that they have gone through this while growing up. Different strategy is applied for Boys mostly to study well, have a great career, make lot of money, have own house & then settle down (marriage) & girls are mostly trained to be a good listener, humble, manage relationships, excel in academics, have a good career (until marriage?) and many more.

Note: Indian parenting no doubts gets the best out of the child, you see the worlds best CEO’s are Indians. Time is changing so are the parenting styles.

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